I don’t want to put the first foot down, because it will mean getting out of this comfort zone, at least that’s what I’m calling it. I’ve decided to run away from the world today, is that even possible? Yes! And I’m doing it in the four walls of my room, I decided I want more than just existence or wistfulness , I can’t give you an answer orLife begins at the end of your comfort zone. Hand lettering quote on a creative seamless background.n what exactly this means but hopefully by the end these twenty four hours you and I will both get a glimpse of  it. I’m not astray; I need to revisit a few choices I’ve been making of late in order to have a clear conscience.

I’m not ready to listen to anyone’s voice, moving cars or see the bright light going through the curtains. I want today to myself, not a single fly on the wall should evade my privacy, I’ve decided this is the first step I need to take if I’m getting redemption, a peace of mind. It’s almost impossible to get my mind off what’s happening outside these four  walls but having  to escape the drama for a while is worth it, like they say “life’s too short” and I know it’s  an adage but it helps me believe that I can get through all the rampages without completely shattering down.

I want to stay here a little bit longer, my cell phone is off and the socket is too far, I do not know who is going to call but at this moment I don’t want to listen to my ringtone or anyone’s caller tunes, I’m not delusional or delirious, I just need my personal freedom to reminisce the little things that made me laugh till my stomach hurt. I’ve lost knowledge of what it means to be genuinely happy and I have to find that before I can open the door to the outside world.

World, lose remembrance of  me for just twenty hours, find another employee to do my work, another daughter to give advice and tea in the morning, another niece to share funny whatsapp videos with, another sister to plot your pranks with because today I’ve decided that I’m not leaving this comfort zone. I need to call a truce with the enemies I’ve created in my head, break a few patterns that flood my soul with sorrow; I need this, my solitude.

Sweet heart, I hope you miss me as much as I do you and as much as I want to pick my phone up an explain this phase I’m going through, I won’t because then you’ll want to come over and hold me tight, kiss me passionately, dry my tears, fight my fears, make love to me and that’s not what I need today. I want to hurt alone and get through it alone because if I don’t find my strength then I will always rely on you and I have to be able to rely on myself. Thank you for always coming to my rescue, loving me regardless of all the baggage I bring to the table, for today I need you to trust that I’m alright and building myself.

I need a few hours to fight my own demons, call upon angels to save me before I’m long gone, I need to reform and think about how best I can turn my life around. It won’t help much if I’m around different people and environments; it’s very easy to get caught up in everyone’s life and start wishing it was mine. Writing my own path and making mistakes is going to be the easiest way for me to learn and grow, I need these hours; I need my comfort zone. I know walking in the compound for about thirty minutes is considered a waste of time but it’s not for me.  I feel free; like I don’t know what it’s like to carry the weight of the world, instead it’s the beauty of the rose that I see, the smell of the ground after a little rain pours down, it’s the sound of peace, a temporary break through and I would give anything to be able to feel this sort of relief at least every once a week for the start.

Time is precious, there isn’t a lot of it to waste and I guess the fact that I just spent all twenty four hours on myself today may be considered a waste to many but getting to know and discover who you are is not a waste of time and nobody should judge you for that, take as much time as you need to build yourself up, to nurture yourself so that when it’s time to face the world and dance to the music, you have enough energy and self-esteem to go head strong.

There are a few choices that I’ve made that were truly mine, for this I take full ownership. So thank you to everyone who listened when I spoke even when it didn’t make sense to them, thank you for remaining a constant and for being more than a shoulder to lean on when the world exerts a downward pull on my thoughts and media bombards me with cynicism and tells me who I am supposed to be, dictating every single step of my life, how my body should look and who I should hang out with, you’ve been there to hold me and reminded me to make my own mistakes , take my own paths, fail and never quit because if I continue living on other people’s terms, I’ll never truly experience what life is.

It’s time to go back out there, where opinions count in almost every situation, back to the world where my mistakes are countless and the hurt that I’ve caused the one’s that I love is regrettable. I’m done running and I can’t change what I’ve done neither can I stay hidden inside these four walls forever, all  I can do is get up and run, fall when I’m tired regardless of whether there’s someone to catch me or not. I’m ready now. I’m ready to get out of my comfort zone.








True Friends still exist.


My one friend amongst many foes

Though I’m under my own steam, I miss you

Well mostly the accidental laughter, during the most serious moments

Or that time we cried while watching titanic,

And again during the final minutes of” Me before you”

I enjoyed your crazy, you hated my lazy

You didn’t hide that from me, I changed

So with all my energy I trusted you

Though our paths steep and slippery

There’s no one else I’d rather walk with

You are by all odds the most selfless person I know,

You never let me succumb to temptation,

Often reminding me of my “world-changing capability”

I hadn’t quite figured it out myself

Not all days were a piece of cake but we never hit the buffers

So many quotes about “trusting only yourself, and everyone eventually betraying you”

I never needed to be alone; you inspired me to keep moving,

Even when roads were blocked, I’d look for an open window

Burying our regrets in conversations every night before hitting the hay

Procrastinated everything when I needed you

Only a few would relinquish an errand because a friends’ day wasn’t going so well

You went out of your way for me, little favours with the biggest impact

One of my greatest fears has always been disappointing you

Not doing for you half of what you’ve done for me

Luckily I never have to swallow that bitter pill,

With you, I’m always at ease; I don’t have to worry about perfection

Never had an ace in the hole, always disclosed everything like an open book

I always wanted to stay around, you gave me comfort, a sound mine

My mother adores you and your mother adores me

Our fathers are glad we’re friends and always advised that we don’t obsess with the opinion of other’s but focus on what we believe in.

Ten years from now or less, I hope we’re still in each other’s lives,

I’ll be the cool aunt to your children and you to mine

We’ll look back, sure we will and running down all the faces we’ve met

We wouldn’t have it any other way, we crossed paths for a reason and I’m grateful you stayed.



Side Note.

Appreciate your friends, tell them every chance you get how much they mean to you, don’t wait for things to go wrong, or listen to the negativity that anyone will say about your friendship, “it won’t last, they are just little kids, it’ll fizzle out” block these comments out, a friend is so much more than someone who comes into your life to answer one calling, they are our mentors, comforters, they inspire us, stick with us through thick and thin, the bows to our arrows, shoulders to lean on.  Let them know, in a world where honesty has so little value and everyone is “out to get you” as they say, appreciate your friend who watches your back.

You will fight  and stop talking, dodge each other around for a while, or walk out of eachother’s lives and never return, but that person, your friend is still apart of your story and there was a time when they made you laugh, don’t let one mistake overshadow all the good they have done in your life.






Beautiful soul, rape was not your choosing.


I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and I would hug you in my arms every night if it could take away the awful memories that keep replaying in your head. Everyone keeps telling you that it’s going to be fine, and I probably wanted to say the same but I won’t, hear this and know that I mean every single word, what happened to you, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Let go darling, it’s going to be hard, the pain will be unbearable, but remember you are so much more than what you are going through.

Your memories are filled with disgust, to you it’s impossible to erase his filthy smell, or his big belly forcefully pressing against you, his face, his expressions, at one point you ran out of breath and lay still like a corpse, counting down the seconds and wishing it’d be done as quickly as possible but he never stopped,  and you can’t possibly imagine how a human can be so heartless, yelling on top of your voice but no one seemed to hear, in the night where there’s such a dead silence, not a single person heard your cry for help, or maybe they did but rushed to protect themselves, you’ll never know. He left you for dead in the cold freezing night, and not a trace of him since.

You’ve been so angry ever since, distanced yourself from friends and family, missing out on parties and denying any dinner requests. While you shower,  a good percentage of  the water  is mixed with your tears, nobody knows because you’ve hidden it so well, you’re scared they’ll look at you with pitiful eyes or say things like “it was your fault, you’re  always wearing short stuff” but I’m telling you again, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, FORGIVE YOURSELF, they don’t know what it’s like, don’t waste your breath explaining it to them, talk to a true friend and a go to a counsellor, though they seem rare, talk to someone,  talk to your mother, she can share your pain, she’ll hold you and you’ll both cry…until dawn when you can smile together again.

Wake up, stare at your reflection in the mirror, smile or at least try, don’t lose yourself, don’t give him the satisfaction of believing he ruined you because he didn’t, don’t let this pain consume you, it’s temporary and you can’t take back the time but you know what you can do? Make the most out of the many years you have a head of you, do what twenty one year olds do, join the clubs you’ve always wanted, be a cheer leader, sing at the assembly and talent shows and above all, realize it’s a privilege to be you, experience life and put yourself out there, don’t let your past destroy you.

The naked truth will come, his day will come but until then, take the roses that your crush brings you every Saturday morning, be happier with someone new, not all men are the same, you deserve to smile, to be taken out for picnics and be covered with a warm blazer when you’re feeling cold at the movies. You deserve to be kissed so tenderly and to be embraced when your eyes are soaking wet, you deserve to have that dance at prom instead of sitting alone, take as many photos as you want and try out every filter till you’re contented, be happy and I mean really happy. Justice will prevail, it might not be by your hands but it will prevail until then, forgive yourself.

To every mother, aunt, niece, daughter, all the women in the world who have been victims of this rape, remind yourself constantly that it was not your fault, and that you should have a say over what happens to your body, sex should be a choice that you make willingly not forcefully, you are beautiful, you deserve better, forgive yourself and be one of the few that help stop this violent and inhuman act, start your new chapter.

Create awareness, remind everyone in this situation that they are not alone, do not stay silent.


EDITED VERSION coming soon on word press.




I was never the only soul

Blessed with the sweet aura of your sheets

Kissed so tenderly by such soft lips

Showered with the lilies, I should’ve known

The word love means nothing to you

You’re a ruthless fool and yet,

My beating heart has a place for you beyond its rib cage


Come to think of it, it’s getting clear now

You hated it, the public displays of affection

Were you masquerading, trying to rush the hours

Was your other close by? You did not want her eyes catching us…

Tell me this; have you ever brought her here as well?

Our special place, you have memories of two, don’t you?

 Loving you was easy, easy as a Sunday morning,

Easy as counting the stars

Respectful, understanding, free-willed

That is all I saw, but they say love is blind, I must have been blind

I would do it all over again; I would not trade a quarter of what we had for anything

Your affections for me were great; I never wanted us to part ways

But I forgave you uncountable times, enough times to realize that I too deserve happiness

 You had but one thing to do, to come home to me

Walk by all and dream with me

But your desires, the lust and lies became a nightmare

I loved every ounce of you, but I can tell between right and wrong

So I wish you catch a star with her,

I too will have to dream with someone else

For such a strong heart, no matter how broken, it can breathe again.

Goodbye, past. 




Anger is a deal breaker and today I just want to free myself. I was upset yesterday, so upset that I repeatedly rehearsed what I was going to say to a friend that hurt me. I wanted to watch a movie before sleeping, but I didn’t and I felt like there was a stone tied to my heart, my tears were seconds away from flowing down, but I said “no” every single time that I get hurt, I cry, I get so angry that I’m unable to communicate, I feel a difficulty when breathing, I was almost convinced that I had anger issues but I don’t. it’s the works of people who just don’t care if I smile or cry, they don’t care if I’m not reaching my goals  or if I don’t perform so well in class. I just didn’t want to give them the satisfaction anymore, I wanted to be free, so today, January 16th 2017, I woke up thinking about myself and every single thing I thought was worth ruining my day for and yet it wasn’t. My mother spoke to me and I didn’t answer and then she said “do not give me attitude when I’m talking to you” she was right, I was being disrespectful and she is my mom and she didn’t deserve that, anyone in the world but not her. So I decided that I wouldn’t confront my friend but instead I read my devotional ‘JESUS CALLING’ by Sarah Young and I’m going to quote exactly what this date says.


Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. –Joshua 1:9

Some days are just hard- a tough test, a fight with a friend, trouble at home. You rehearse it over and over in your mind like the words to a song.  But when you rehearse your problems that way, you live them over and over again. You were meant to live through them only once – when they actually happen!

Don’t try to figure out how you’ll get through the situation on your own. Come to me, and let me guide you and give you my peace. Don’t forget that I am always with you. I will give you all the strength and courage you need to face whatever challenges come your way. I will turn your worries and fears into confidence and trust.

After reading this, I just sat down and started writing this very article but I said a prayer first, and then listened to a song titled free by Kierra Sheard and how he loves us by Kim Walker-Smith/ Jesus culture and i love God. There’s a lot of stuff I could do right now to release my anger but after reading my devotional and seeing that my situation matches every single word in that book, on the same day, I’m grateful, I’m not perfect, I’m covered in flaws in fact I was angry, so angry that forgiveness wasn’t even a consideration, but you know what, I have angered people too and they may have felt the exact same way as I did or even worse but they didn’t lush out, they forgave me. And I know what I did and repented for has nothing to do with what’s happening to me but I understand completely.

So I’m letting it go, I’m not going to carry heavy burdens any more, Jesus does that for me, and I’m going to cry now, not because I’m unhappy but because, there is someone in this world that sees beyond my insecurities, someone that loves me whether I’m right or wrong, he sees it all but he never gives up on me, so I’m going to sing, write and worship. I have his love and that matters more than all the anger I feel, more than how many friends hurt me, more than how many times I screw up, he loves me.

I’m not angry anymore and I will not let this beautiful sunset pass me by , and I’m going to watch my movie and annoy my little brother (in a good way), I am going to tell my mom that she is the best thing that God ever gave me, and that I love her so much, I’m going to laugh with my big sister. I’m going to smile more often, I have a beautiful smile and I know this upsets the devil but he better not mess with my protector, lover of my soul, my redeemer, my all because hell’s fire won’t be hot enough for him.1 (1).jpg





sometimes, the way we plan things  isn’t the way they end up, people meet, the ones that we love fall in love with other people and it should be alright, if we really love them, we’ll care that they are happy and keep the memories instead. And that point in time, that is when you know that your happiness lies elsewhere.



Write it all down

The cold nights, you’re walking on the beach,

Alone, playing with the sand and gazing at the stars.

When your thoughts keep you company, your footsteps
have no guide,

I want you to write it all down.


Write it all down

The days you wish home was just around the corner,

You imagine running into my arms, and I’d sing for you.

When you miss your father’s fishing lessons

And your mother’s baking.

Your brother, playing his guitar and your sister’s obsession with fink.


Write it all down

When the bullets are too loud, you fear your life is on the line.

Sleepless nights, enemies have become your neighbours,

But you remind yourself of what a brave soldier you are,

How much courage you have, and nightmares no longer haunt you.

When you stare into the enemy’s eyes and put a bullet through his chest.

For the love of your country and those dearest to your heart.


Write it all down

When you finally get some peace and quiet, you then recall,

The first time we made love, in your arms I lay,

I knew then, you were the one for me,

And though far apart, we’d remember our vow

Our hearts belonged to each other,

Though wishes like these are like dust on a table, waiting to be wiped away,

We held on for a while.


Write it all down

When you meet someone, you love her as much as you loved me and much more,

When your mission is done, your house is neighboured by the beach.

And the day you don’t think about me,

The day you’re happy and your children whisper “daddy tell us a story.”

You kiss your wife’s forehead and tell her she is the one, you make a declaration and know you’ll grow old together.


Stop writing it all down

Start living, your happiness mattered so much to me,

That is why I asked you to write it all down,

I wanted to have you near me, to convince myself that distance was nothing,

I have lost you but my soul sleeps at night, you gave me love

You gave me truth, you gave me, ME.

I love you, be happy.




kira, you owe society nothing



Revealing a truth was never easy for Kira, for her, it was better if someone slept happy with a lie, than stayed awake and cried all night long because of the truth. Behind her back, a few referred to her as “a people-pleaser”,to some extent, maybe she was or she was just a young twenty year old looking for some sort of acceptance, understanding, she simply wanted to fit in in-spite being affluent.

What society implies is that everyone should leave a mark, it doesn’t matter what you do. Kira wasn’t a judgmental person, she couldn’t care less if you  wore close to nothing, what mattered to her is that it was of your own free will and no one coerced you to do it, once in a while she would watch videos of her friends twerking that had gotten almost half a million views, she would walk up to them and congratulate them, to her if something made your soul shine, it meant that you were happy and this made her happy, believe it or not she cared about people, it was for her, both a blessing a curse.

On Tuesday as she was heading to class for her second period with a friend, one of her favourite lectures called her and she handed her books, along with her diary to her friend, his name was David, it did not cross her mind one bit that he would read her diary and go as far as to show to a few other people. David opened a page, at random but filled with so much eagerness. The page was written on the 4th of November 2016, here’s what it said;

Dear diary,

I’ve been affected for a while now, that’s probably why I haven’t found the courage to put what I’m about to reveal in these pages, but screw it. For so long I’ve been scared, been bowing to the will of others, forgetting myself. I’ve been trying to prove how much my past is so yesterday and that what’s left is me. My past is over, but then in the process of reminding myself, a little voice in my head told me that I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone.

While I knew I was freed from a heavy burden I’ve been carrying for such a long time, I still felt the need to go out of my way to please everyone around me, not just friends but family, strangers. I still felt heavy, for everyone who called I would help, whatever it took, whatever kind of favour they needed, money, safety driver, counselor without qualifications, gossip partner (I hate gossiping) but I did it anyway because my so-called friends did it.

My mother and auntie think I have a boyfriend that I won’t tell them about, every time I ask for permission to go out, they bless me and say “be back home early” but they trust me, I never come home late and when I think I will I tell them in advance, the boyfriend talk was getting to me because here’s what they honestly didn’t know. In school while everybody was bragging about how awesome their girlfriends or boyfriends were, I had no story to tell. For a long time, I had been writing myself love letters, pretending they came from my nonexistent boyfriend, I had made up stories to all who asked unable to repeat them because they were all lies, and that I had only ever loved, or liked one boy, it all happened so fast I didn’t make a lot of sense of it but here’s what I do know, he did love me, not in the kind of way I wanted to be loved but the best friend kind of love. I may have or may not have wanted more then but I’m sure now that I didn’t.

He was the ex of a very close friend of mine and I couldn’t jeopardize our friendship like that, I had seen friends become enemies because of such scenarios and it would not have been fair, but mostly he didn’t want it. See he openly admitted that he has a type, or a preference and I didn’t even come close, his name? George.

I’ve always been afraid of relationships, I talked to my best friend Will about it and she said that unless I gave somebody a chance I would never really know what I’m missing. It’s been close to four years and I still haven’t. Many ask the same question, “Have you ever had a boyfriend? Have you ever been in love? My answer is always yes, and yet it should be No, without shame but I am ashamed, society says it’s not cool.

I’m going to say bye for today, I’ve written way too much but I do want to say that I do have a crush on a boy, according to society I can’t be with him because he way shorter or taller than me,  since when did it become okay to choose height over personality but then again that is just my perspective. This boy and I are close, really good friends and I know he doesn’t have a crush on me because I think he has a girlfriend and his eyes do not light up when he looks at me,  I know now that my prince, somehow got lost in a forest hahaha.


When David read this his first thought was whether he could be the guy that Kira is crushing on, but it couldn’t have been him, he was just as tall as Kira. But see he wanted to continue the search till he found the mystery person, so he tried to put together all of Kira’s closest male friends and made them read her diary, she walked in on them and she as soon as she saw what they’d been up to, she walked up to David, grabbed her books and walked up to her sit, she could have caused a scene but she didn’t, she was so full of rage that she was afraid confronting him at that very moment would lead her to say words she couldn’t take  back. The lecturer entered, he was brief, as soon as he was done, and she rushed out never looked back.

Kira is making some life changing decisions, like saying NO and feeling good about, it might sound selfish but it’s not, she is putting herself first. From the clothes to the friends to religion to hangouts, she is choosing what makes her happy. She realized that when there’s so much dictating on one’s life, you can’t even see clearly enough to focus on what really matters. You.






The crime wasn’t mine to commit, I did it anyways,

Guilty as charged

They wouldn’t have believed me, records are more firm,

Guilty as charged

Witnesses with doubts, that’s what I had, none able to look me in the eyes,

Guilty as charged

A choice I made, I made alone, how did it come to this? What made her become who she is now? Nobody cares,

Guilty as charged

One believed for two minutes that I was innocent, but her mind revisited my past crimes, “she is guilty, let go” it told her, she couldn’t battle her own mind, and two minutes of innocence were gone with the wind,

Guilty as charged

These cells, there cold, crowded and dirty, these people, my kind, some innocent, some guilty but majority unheard, we talk more now, I listen to each critically, in here, you have nothing to hide, every stone is turned, almost no secrets to take to the grave,

Guilty as charged

We’ve become family, it’s sad I have to go, back to the very world that didn’t listen, the very people that disregarded my rights, but I came out with a plan, to prove that not many were,

Guilty as charged

Law school is challenging, the lecturer reminded me why I’m here, and tomorrow is graduation, so close to proving that I wasn’t,

Guilty as charged

It’s been hard, every law firm has knowledge of my record, a few are willing to take me in, I chose this one, hopefully I made the right choice to prove that some of my people, my family, weren’t

Guilty as charged

My first important case is today, it took a lot of patience, sacrifice, discipline but I finally get to prove that Lily isn’t guilty as she is being charged and my family will have faith in me not just as their friend but their lawyer to prove that they weren’t

Guilty as charged.

Lily did not go to jail, I finally proved that she was innocent, Melisa was released early, her best friend is being charged with plagiarism, she is the reason Melisa got six years in jail. Natalie’s case got reopened, new evidence surfaced, and I want to say that I had nothing to do with it, or do I? I cannot give you a direct answer but what I can say is that, I will go out of my way to prove that she is not,




Dear diary,

I have come to realize, how lucky I am.

How Lucky I am to have my best friend, while many take this “title” lightly, I don’t. And that’s why, as much as I have fear that one day the love of my life will break my heart, I fear that if my best friend walks away, recovery will take quite a long time, I actually won’t recover, she’s a part of me.

We met in the year 2012, the month of May, two complete strangers. We didn’t say hi, right away but I was getting comfortable in high school amongst so many obstacles, for no particular reason I decided to switch beds and sleep at the top of the double decker bed. And I, obviously being annoyingly organized would get mad at things as simple as a “hand wrinkled spot” on my bed. This would get me on both toes, uttering words loudly. Normally a few others would reply and we would yell at the top of our voices. But, she just said, sorry, walked over to my bed, straightened it up and walked away. In that moment, I was shrinking! Almost like a piece of cloth, humbled, ashamed, in regret and I came to the conclusion that day that we weren’t going to speak to each other. That evening right after supper, she spoke to me; she asked me if we could go to choir practice together. P.S, I love singing and I love the Lord. Without hesitation, I said yes and that’s how our journey started.

It’s overwhelming to have someone be so identical to you, not in appearance but in likes, dislikes, future plans, jumping together at a song that plays on the radio. It goes beyond the little things but trusting another soul with a part of your life you’d kept hidden for so long, lifting each other up when the world is cruel, but more importantly being silly enough to talk about our crushes, future husbands. We would write songs together, take long walks and imagine how her babies would call me aunt, and so one day eventually we’d live right across the street from each other.

We grew up now, Adults, our flaws have become our strongest weapons, we dream but the dreams are a bit different, we see each other less and the sleep overs reduced to a few times a year, many might think “what happened to them” nothing happened cause, behind closed doors, our audio messages to each other are still stupid, we’re still “kidults” that want to give their children everything, and provide the best that we can for our families, so far now, we work as hard as possible to make that happen while we plan our future trips, Paris is one of the destinations she wants to visit, so it’s written down in our “BEST FRIEND TOURS” and ROME, mine.

Her voice makes me laugh, cry, dance, sit and to sum it all, it gives me the shivers, it’s the first time I ever got jealous, don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to be a friend to a soul with such a voice, it’s the voice of a beautiful alien, it’s out of this world, so yes!! I once in a while wish I had a voice like hers, but here’s the reason I’m very appreciative. She tells me I am talented, she reads all my articles before anybody else, so it doesn’t matter what our futures are, her and I look at the same stars.

For laughing at my “not so funny jokes” for letting me rest on your lap when I can’t stop the tears from flowing, for letting me be me. I love you and I appreciate you so much, I may not say it every day from January to December but in between February and November,  I will have written about it uncountable times in my Journal, you’re the best little sister/  best friend/ God sent blessing I could ever ask for.

To MY best friend and little sister


To 100 years of adventure and love and laughter.

Yours Faithfully,